This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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