well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
