Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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