Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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