Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i barfeds in our rink
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
