If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
