you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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