eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
