I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
