Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
