you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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