Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You've changed since you got that strap on
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
