i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Everyone says I win the strip club
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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