Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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