end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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