I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
