you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
