I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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