Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The air was thick with penises
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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