You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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