What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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