Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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