i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
