Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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