i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize