yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
