i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Me too!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
