He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
People in love make me want to vomit
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
