just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
