Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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