He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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