woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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