it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
His nipple licking is glorious
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
