I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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