So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
