Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
