At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
