Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
