i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
