garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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