nut hugger
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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