That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
