i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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