He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
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