he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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