I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
