JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
