omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
