Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
