I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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