was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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