He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
