Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
