I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
