that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Every concussion has its silver lining
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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