It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize