Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
