I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
