So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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