Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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