my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i think i have herpe
just one?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
