She is in my trunk
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
