Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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