He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
