Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
