Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
