Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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