Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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