The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
