no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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