She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
