so explain again why im purple
no
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
