I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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