And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
