What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
