True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
