And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
