Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize