The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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