I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
