oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize