if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Holy shit dude........stairs
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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