he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
