After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
