Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the day after is always just damage control
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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