Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
