if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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