Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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