I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
