Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
