how can u be prego again
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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