if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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