ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Randomize
